Monday, February 5, 1996

Twenty-two atop the mountain

I keep believing that I need to find my lost self, that all I have to do is reach deep within myself, to find the old me. But it finally came to me that no matter how much I don't like it, I am a different person now. The basic mold, the fundamentals, sure — still me — but the old me is just a memory. It's not really something that I can find buried within me. It's not something that will someday reappear when my problems disappear or when I finally lose weight. If I liked the old me, which I did, then she becomes a model that I can use to re-create myself when I find the strength to do so. And that time is now. The strength will come as I need it, as I create it, as I learn to let go or accept, or to fight in those places of life where I really mean it — to listen to my soul which fights are essential, and where to bow down and move quietly along.

—Terri Guillemets

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